I always love this time of year because the State Fair of Texas is in town for a few short weeks and that means good food and pig races.
I am a native Texan and have attended the state Fair every year of my life except for the year I proposed to my wife and the year we had a family emergency and couldn’t attend. Other than that, the Harris clan could be found every year eating corn dogs and turkey legs.
Through the many years of going to the fair, my family has formed several life-long memories. There is the time I bought a plane being sold at one of the many booths of merchandise and had it immediately break when we got home.
There is the time we were walking down the Midwalk and saw a girl from school and waved at her — just in time for her to get sick all over the Midwalk. Everyone just sort of stared at each other before the girl said, “Well, that was awkward” and moved along.
And then there was the time the robot read my mind.
I want to start off by saying I am not a stupid person. I do stupid things and say stupid things, but I still consider myself a sharp guy. But this day, I was about as sharp as a marshmallow.
Anyone who has been to the State Fair knows there are several buildings filled with attractions and new inventions. In one of my trips to the state fair with my mother and brother, we were walking through one such building when a robot approached me.
“Hello, Luke.”
I was impressed that the robot could read my name tag and say my name — until I realized I was not wearing a name tag. I was wearing a shirt with my old soccer team’s name on it and no signs of identification. At first, I thought it was only strange, until it started talking about my life.
“So, are you enjoying the fair with your mom and brother?”
OK, now things were getting weird. I turned around and looked at my mom and brother only to have them shrug, looking equally shocked and amazed.
“How are you enjoy Mrs. Litzenberger’s algebra class? Need to be doing a little better, huh?”
Mrs. Litzenberger was the name of my eighth grade algebra teacher — yes, I was in eighth grade — and I was doing badly in her class.
“Are you going to buy that Mindy a corn dog while you are here?”
Mindy was the name of the girl I had a crush on in the eighth grade. I was now officially freaked out. I knew there was no such thing as a robot who could read minds, but how else was this thing doing this to me? I knew the State Fair always had new and exciting attractions and I figured, “this is the year they got a mind-reading robot.”
I thought this new invention was being showed off to the public by making spectacles of eighth-graders like myself and I decided it was time for me to leave.
My mom and brother were both eager to stay and hear more about me, but I wanted to leave right then. I wanted to leave the fair, the state and the country. I wanted to go to a third-world country where there wouldn’t be mind-reading robots for years to come.
For two hours of walking around the fair, I was mortified and trying to figure out what had happened to me. I knew robots couldn’t read minds — they just couldn’t — but this one did.
And that is when my mom started laughing, and my brother joined in. That is when I discovered the truth.
It turns out that, as I suspected, there was no such thing as mind-reading robots. There were, however, remote-controlled robots with a microphone installed inside them connected to a headset.
The headset being on the man who was standing next to my mom and brother and gathering information about me from them to freak me out. Every time I would turn around to look at my mom and brother, the man would take a step away behind a column and out of my line of sight.
My family thought about not telling me for a long time, but they could see how traumatized I was by the whole situation and decided to let me in on the secret.
To this day they still give me a hard time about how gullible I was and we can all share a big laugh about it. I couldn’t really get mad about it because you have to give props for a good prank and they got me good. I mean, they got me to believe a robot was reading my mind.
It was a great prank, but it was also a great memory. I am glad my family does something together every year that I can count on for a good time. I hope I can make memories like that one day with my children — and convince them of something to terrify them for a good little while.
Luke Harris is the editor of the Burleson Star. He is afraid that when mind-reading robots really do take over the world, he will think it is a prank and be vaporized. He can be reached at burlesonstar@thestargroup.com.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tales from the Gym: Paying for my own torture
I knew there was something wrong with me when I realized I was at the gym on a Saturday morning.
As I have written in the past, you would not look at me and think of me as an athletic person — and you would be right.
However, I recently had two realizations concerning my life. One: I needed to work out because, although I saw a fairly normal looking person in the mirror, to others, I appeared to be the second “pregnant man.”
The other realization was, although I have gone to the gym on my own before, it was too rare a thing to make any difference. I have mentioned before that my friends run the Burleson Athletic Club and have given me tips on how to lose some weight.
One of those suggestions was to cut back on the amount of soda I drank on a daily basis. That was hard because I was up to around 10 a day. However, I cut back and I immediately shed around 10 pounds. Now, all I needed to do was go to the gym and walk and lift some weights.
Walk. It seems simple enough, but when you are carrying as much weight as I do on a regular basis, it can be a bit of a hassle. I did a fairly good job of regularly attending the gym for a few months, but then fell back into the though of “why go walking when I can sit?”
That is when I decided to do something about my revelations. I called my friend and set up a time to have a training session at the gym. I figured I would go, learn some new things, and — after a few sessions — walk out with washboard abs and a career in male modeling.
How silly I was.
As I said, I’m not an athletic guy so I didn’t know things like you should eat or drink something before you go have a vigorous workout. Therefore, about 15 minutes into my first session, I began to question my decision-making skills.
Not only had I volunteered to put my body through this, but I was paying for it. I also decided this was a good time to get right with God because at the rate the workout was going, I would be seeing him very soon.
Luckily, however, my friend has the experience to recognize when my face matches my white shirt, it is time to lie down and end the session.
For the next few days, I walked like a fat penguin who had been beaten with baseball bats. People that saw me thought I had been in a car accident or in a vicious beating. It hurt to sit, stand, walk and think. Luckily, thinking has never been my strong suit, so that relieved me of some pain.
The craziest thing, however, is that I went back. Two days later, I went back to the place that hurt me and allowed it to hurt me more. I did it because I needed too — and I already had the check written out for two sessions.
I am happy to have friends who are willing to kick me in the rear and work me until I hurt because they know I need to be healthier. I don’t need to be told that I look fine and I don’t breath that heavily. I need to be healthy.
I have made the decision in my mind to stop justifying the things I’m doing as enough and decided what I can do to go further.
That is how I knew something was wrong with me when I realized I was at the gym on a Saturday morning, but I was happy to be there.
Luke Harris is the editor of the Burleson Star. He thinks he could probably currently make it as a plus-sized male model, but is too modest to go into a career like that. He can be reached at burlesonstar@thestargroup.com.
As I have written in the past, you would not look at me and think of me as an athletic person — and you would be right.
However, I recently had two realizations concerning my life. One: I needed to work out because, although I saw a fairly normal looking person in the mirror, to others, I appeared to be the second “pregnant man.”
The other realization was, although I have gone to the gym on my own before, it was too rare a thing to make any difference. I have mentioned before that my friends run the Burleson Athletic Club and have given me tips on how to lose some weight.
One of those suggestions was to cut back on the amount of soda I drank on a daily basis. That was hard because I was up to around 10 a day. However, I cut back and I immediately shed around 10 pounds. Now, all I needed to do was go to the gym and walk and lift some weights.
Walk. It seems simple enough, but when you are carrying as much weight as I do on a regular basis, it can be a bit of a hassle. I did a fairly good job of regularly attending the gym for a few months, but then fell back into the though of “why go walking when I can sit?”
That is when I decided to do something about my revelations. I called my friend and set up a time to have a training session at the gym. I figured I would go, learn some new things, and — after a few sessions — walk out with washboard abs and a career in male modeling.
How silly I was.
As I said, I’m not an athletic guy so I didn’t know things like you should eat or drink something before you go have a vigorous workout. Therefore, about 15 minutes into my first session, I began to question my decision-making skills.
Not only had I volunteered to put my body through this, but I was paying for it. I also decided this was a good time to get right with God because at the rate the workout was going, I would be seeing him very soon.
Luckily, however, my friend has the experience to recognize when my face matches my white shirt, it is time to lie down and end the session.
For the next few days, I walked like a fat penguin who had been beaten with baseball bats. People that saw me thought I had been in a car accident or in a vicious beating. It hurt to sit, stand, walk and think. Luckily, thinking has never been my strong suit, so that relieved me of some pain.
The craziest thing, however, is that I went back. Two days later, I went back to the place that hurt me and allowed it to hurt me more. I did it because I needed too — and I already had the check written out for two sessions.
I am happy to have friends who are willing to kick me in the rear and work me until I hurt because they know I need to be healthier. I don’t need to be told that I look fine and I don’t breath that heavily. I need to be healthy.
I have made the decision in my mind to stop justifying the things I’m doing as enough and decided what I can do to go further.
That is how I knew something was wrong with me when I realized I was at the gym on a Saturday morning, but I was happy to be there.
Luke Harris is the editor of the Burleson Star. He thinks he could probably currently make it as a plus-sized male model, but is too modest to go into a career like that. He can be reached at burlesonstar@thestargroup.com.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
My first and only fight
As with most brothers, I loved my big brother, but I also loved to hate him. We would the perfect crime-fighting or mischief-making duo — depending on how the mood struck us — or we could be mortal enemies. The difference could be made over something as elaborate as me making fun of his weight or as stupid as him not allowing me to swing on the “good” swing on our backyard play area. Either way, we would usually make fun of each other, yell at each other and occasionally come to blows.
On one such occasion, my family was visiting my brother at college for some special event. During the course of our stay, I was showing Josh how much I had missed him by throwing things at his head to annoy him.
One of those things was a little piece of bark that caught him right in the eye. He was not happy with this little game I was playing, but didn’t want to do anything at his new college that might jeopardize his future with any anti-violence co-eds on the campus.
He drove my family back to the hotel where we were staying and when he asked for the hotel key, I happily obliged him and flicked it out of my hand towards his face. An interesting thing about hotel keys, if you flick them just right, they will take a kind of swooping journey towards the general direction in which you threw it.
In other words, I’m sure the card would have landed in the vicinity of Josh’s hands if his head had not gotten in the way. The flight path the card took caused it to wobble in the air and come down right on Josh’s eye, near where the bark had hit him a few short hours before.
Well, this was the hotel card that broke the camel’s back. I had no real time to react when Josh began to charge me with the fire of murder in his eyes. My only thought was, “Luke, you are going to have to put him down.”
I watch a lot of movies and if I man is ever charging you in the movies, you punch them in the face and they go down. Well, in the real world, when you punch someone in the face they may pause for a second, but then they just give you a look that says, “You really want to die today, don’t you?”
After I punched Josh in the face, he gave me that exact look before returning the favor.
His punch hurt a lot more than mine.
I was, however, able to stay conscious long enough to continue to battle with him. We rolled around the outside of our hotel punching each other in the face until my father — all 6-foot-3-inches and 260 pounds of him — came upon us.
I had somehow ended on top of my brother punching down at his face while he was punching up at mine. That left my back exposed for my father to grab my shirt collar and toss me back five feet as though I was a rag doll.
He looked at both of us and said, “Stop.”
This was short for “Stop, or I am going to take you both on and pummel you into the ground and leave before the police discover your bodies.”
I had been mad at my father enough in the past to puff up my chest to him, ready to fight. He would always say the same thing. “Son, I am going to tell you what my father told me. You get the first punch free, but you better make it a good one, because then it’s going to be a one-sided fight.”
This is how I knew when the word, “stop,” exited his mouth, that would be the end of the fight. It remains my one fight to this day.
The great thing about being brothers is that even after a knock-down-drag-out fight or just a small argument about who can fart louder, you can still be best friends by the end of the day. There may have been a few occasions where we fought for more than one day, but I can’t remember it — and I am glad it is that way.
On one such occasion, my family was visiting my brother at college for some special event. During the course of our stay, I was showing Josh how much I had missed him by throwing things at his head to annoy him.
One of those things was a little piece of bark that caught him right in the eye. He was not happy with this little game I was playing, but didn’t want to do anything at his new college that might jeopardize his future with any anti-violence co-eds on the campus.
He drove my family back to the hotel where we were staying and when he asked for the hotel key, I happily obliged him and flicked it out of my hand towards his face. An interesting thing about hotel keys, if you flick them just right, they will take a kind of swooping journey towards the general direction in which you threw it.
In other words, I’m sure the card would have landed in the vicinity of Josh’s hands if his head had not gotten in the way. The flight path the card took caused it to wobble in the air and come down right on Josh’s eye, near where the bark had hit him a few short hours before.
Well, this was the hotel card that broke the camel’s back. I had no real time to react when Josh began to charge me with the fire of murder in his eyes. My only thought was, “Luke, you are going to have to put him down.”
I watch a lot of movies and if I man is ever charging you in the movies, you punch them in the face and they go down. Well, in the real world, when you punch someone in the face they may pause for a second, but then they just give you a look that says, “You really want to die today, don’t you?”
After I punched Josh in the face, he gave me that exact look before returning the favor.
His punch hurt a lot more than mine.
I was, however, able to stay conscious long enough to continue to battle with him. We rolled around the outside of our hotel punching each other in the face until my father — all 6-foot-3-inches and 260 pounds of him — came upon us.
I had somehow ended on top of my brother punching down at his face while he was punching up at mine. That left my back exposed for my father to grab my shirt collar and toss me back five feet as though I was a rag doll.
He looked at both of us and said, “Stop.”
This was short for “Stop, or I am going to take you both on and pummel you into the ground and leave before the police discover your bodies.”
I had been mad at my father enough in the past to puff up my chest to him, ready to fight. He would always say the same thing. “Son, I am going to tell you what my father told me. You get the first punch free, but you better make it a good one, because then it’s going to be a one-sided fight.”
This is how I knew when the word, “stop,” exited his mouth, that would be the end of the fight. It remains my one fight to this day.
The great thing about being brothers is that even after a knock-down-drag-out fight or just a small argument about who can fart louder, you can still be best friends by the end of the day. There may have been a few occasions where we fought for more than one day, but I can’t remember it — and I am glad it is that way.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
American is foreign — in a bad way
When I heard George Clooney was going to be in a movie that came out in early September I wondered if studios were trying to get a jump on Oscar season, or if it was just a dud the studios wanted to dump in the summer-movie graveyard month.
Unfortunately, it was the latter.
It is always hard to see good actors and actresses do bad films. You can tell they were trying to go for the serious, art-house film that might earn some awards, but instead wind up with a movie you will find for $4 at Blockbuster in a year.
The American is Clooney’s big mistake for 2010. The film follows a hitman hiding out in a small town in Italy after a botched assassination attempt on his life. While in Italy, he is charged with building a gun for another assassin and must also avoid being killed.
There seems to be a lot going on with the movie, but you wouldn’t know that if you watched it. The movie moves at the pace of a snail out for a Sunday stroll. For a movie that lasts an hour and 45 minutes, there are about 45 minutes that could have been removed from the film completely.
There are many scenes of Clooney aimlessly walking through the streets of his small town or meticulously building a gun that were probably meant to add to the movie, but only take away from it. I understand the idea was to build suspense in the film, but it is hard to do that when the audience doesn’t really know what is going on in the movie.
Add to that a confusing relationship between Clooney and a Italian prostitute that seems to only be in the film to add some sex scenes and nudity. If the movie was better, the relationship might make sense or involve audiences in the movie, but as it stands, it is just a series of sex scene that somehow suddenly turns into love.
Why is he on the run? Who is chasing him? These are questions only partially answered by the movie. After 30 minutes, most audience members will probably be looking at their watches to find out how much longer they have to wait for some semblance of a payoff.
Believe me, it never comes.
At the end of the movie I was only slightly less confused and 10 times more frustrated than I was at the beginning.
I can’t imagine even the biggest Clooney fan finding a reason to like this movie. He doesn’t have much of a chance to impress with his acting skills. He barely speaks and mostly stares out in space.
This is not a film to go see unless you are trying to go to sleep or you like looking at pretty Italian towns. You are better off saving yourself money and renting Peacemaker with Clooney. It is a decent action/thriller with a real plot and a good ending.
Unfortunately, it was the latter.
It is always hard to see good actors and actresses do bad films. You can tell they were trying to go for the serious, art-house film that might earn some awards, but instead wind up with a movie you will find for $4 at Blockbuster in a year.
The American is Clooney’s big mistake for 2010. The film follows a hitman hiding out in a small town in Italy after a botched assassination attempt on his life. While in Italy, he is charged with building a gun for another assassin and must also avoid being killed.
There seems to be a lot going on with the movie, but you wouldn’t know that if you watched it. The movie moves at the pace of a snail out for a Sunday stroll. For a movie that lasts an hour and 45 minutes, there are about 45 minutes that could have been removed from the film completely.
There are many scenes of Clooney aimlessly walking through the streets of his small town or meticulously building a gun that were probably meant to add to the movie, but only take away from it. I understand the idea was to build suspense in the film, but it is hard to do that when the audience doesn’t really know what is going on in the movie.
Add to that a confusing relationship between Clooney and a Italian prostitute that seems to only be in the film to add some sex scenes and nudity. If the movie was better, the relationship might make sense or involve audiences in the movie, but as it stands, it is just a series of sex scene that somehow suddenly turns into love.
Why is he on the run? Who is chasing him? These are questions only partially answered by the movie. After 30 minutes, most audience members will probably be looking at their watches to find out how much longer they have to wait for some semblance of a payoff.
Believe me, it never comes.
At the end of the movie I was only slightly less confused and 10 times more frustrated than I was at the beginning.
I can’t imagine even the biggest Clooney fan finding a reason to like this movie. He doesn’t have much of a chance to impress with his acting skills. He barely speaks and mostly stares out in space.
This is not a film to go see unless you are trying to go to sleep or you like looking at pretty Italian towns. You are better off saving yourself money and renting Peacemaker with Clooney. It is a decent action/thriller with a real plot and a good ending.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Scott Pilgrim: 1 The World: 0
I was getting a little tired of seeing Michael Cera in so many movies in the past couple of years before I saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.
Cera has become the go-to man for any role involving “awkward young man” and people seem to be eating it up. I, for one, was not eating it up any more — although his role in Arrested Development is still genius — and was, in fact, ready to start going on a strict Cera diet.
However, I decided to give Pilgrim a chance because of the director, Edgar Wright who has brought great joy to my life through Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.
I am glad I did.
Pilgrim is not only one of my favorite movies of the year, it is a movie I can see buying and enjoying for years to come. However, while I enjoyed it immensely, this film is a prime example of how some moviegoers will see a film as genius and others will find it both annoying and stupid.
It is a big jump, I know, but the aspects of the film I clung to with a smile on my face are the same aspects that may turn away some — and I really hate to say this — older audience members.
The film is based on the popular graphic novel of the same name. It takes place in a world which may look like our own, but is filled with people with superpowers and little hearts that appear when two people lock lips. Basically, it is a mix between the real world, a comic-book world and a video-game world.
Pilgrim (Cera) falls in love with Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), but doesn’t realize she comes with some baggage. While most people come into relationships with baggage, Flowers’ baggage is special — it comes in the form of seven evil exes.
Pilgrim discovers quickly after starting a relationship with Flowers that he must defeat her seven evil exes in order to be with her.
This is where the genius — or ridiculous — part comes in to play. All of the “battles” Pilgrim must take part in are shown like a video game showdown. People fly through the air hitting each other and throw each other through walls with little to no damage.
When an evil ex is defeated, they burst into coins and Pilgrim receives points. It is a gimmick that could easily fall flat with the rest of the film, but, somehow, Wright is a good enough director to make it seem like an every day occurrence.
The audience quickly gets immersed into the story and begins rooting for Pilgrim. It seems like a non-factor that a person gets physic powers for being a vegan. Instead of scoffing at a girl pulling a giant hammer out of her purse, the film instigates a cheer for such a over-the-top moment.
For my generation — those who grew up going to arcades and playing numerous fight games — the movie brings a feeling of nostalgia and happiness. You remember all of the crazy things that happen in those games and you don’t think, “that was so ridiculous.” Instead you think, “I really hope they incorporate...”
While my generation may enjoy the movie more than another, the film is still a great watch. If you can bring yourself to enjoy an insane alternate reality, you will find yourself in a totally immersing movie experience.
You will leave the theater with a smile on your face and wish your life was more like a video game. I also came out of the film ready to give Cera a second chance — I just hope he doesn’t ruin it.
Thank you to Premiere Cinema of Burleson for allowing Luke Harris to screen this film.
Luke Harris is the movie reviewer for the Star Group newspapers. His parents never bought him a video game system because they wanted him to focus on his schoolwork, but he fooled them, because he still found ways to not do his schoolwork. He can be reached at www.burlesonstar.net.
Cera has become the go-to man for any role involving “awkward young man” and people seem to be eating it up. I, for one, was not eating it up any more — although his role in Arrested Development is still genius — and was, in fact, ready to start going on a strict Cera diet.
However, I decided to give Pilgrim a chance because of the director, Edgar Wright who has brought great joy to my life through Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.
I am glad I did.
Pilgrim is not only one of my favorite movies of the year, it is a movie I can see buying and enjoying for years to come. However, while I enjoyed it immensely, this film is a prime example of how some moviegoers will see a film as genius and others will find it both annoying and stupid.
It is a big jump, I know, but the aspects of the film I clung to with a smile on my face are the same aspects that may turn away some — and I really hate to say this — older audience members.
The film is based on the popular graphic novel of the same name. It takes place in a world which may look like our own, but is filled with people with superpowers and little hearts that appear when two people lock lips. Basically, it is a mix between the real world, a comic-book world and a video-game world.
Pilgrim (Cera) falls in love with Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), but doesn’t realize she comes with some baggage. While most people come into relationships with baggage, Flowers’ baggage is special — it comes in the form of seven evil exes.
Pilgrim discovers quickly after starting a relationship with Flowers that he must defeat her seven evil exes in order to be with her.
This is where the genius — or ridiculous — part comes in to play. All of the “battles” Pilgrim must take part in are shown like a video game showdown. People fly through the air hitting each other and throw each other through walls with little to no damage.
When an evil ex is defeated, they burst into coins and Pilgrim receives points. It is a gimmick that could easily fall flat with the rest of the film, but, somehow, Wright is a good enough director to make it seem like an every day occurrence.
The audience quickly gets immersed into the story and begins rooting for Pilgrim. It seems like a non-factor that a person gets physic powers for being a vegan. Instead of scoffing at a girl pulling a giant hammer out of her purse, the film instigates a cheer for such a over-the-top moment.
For my generation — those who grew up going to arcades and playing numerous fight games — the movie brings a feeling of nostalgia and happiness. You remember all of the crazy things that happen in those games and you don’t think, “that was so ridiculous.” Instead you think, “I really hope they incorporate...”
While my generation may enjoy the movie more than another, the film is still a great watch. If you can bring yourself to enjoy an insane alternate reality, you will find yourself in a totally immersing movie experience.
You will leave the theater with a smile on your face and wish your life was more like a video game. I also came out of the film ready to give Cera a second chance — I just hope he doesn’t ruin it.
Thank you to Premiere Cinema of Burleson for allowing Luke Harris to screen this film.
Luke Harris is the movie reviewer for the Star Group newspapers. His parents never bought him a video game system because they wanted him to focus on his schoolwork, but he fooled them, because he still found ways to not do his schoolwork. He can be reached at www.burlesonstar.net.
What I took away on my first day
There are not many “first day of school” memories stored in my brain.
I’m not sure if I blocked them out or if I just didn’t have many memorable things happen. I know on my first day of school, I was ready to get in the classroom.
I was the second child so my brother had already gone to school for a year. Therefore, I was ready to make my mark on the world of academia. My mother tells me I didn’t even look back when I marched into my first day of kindergarten.
I do, however, remember my first day of second grade. We had a small math assignment and I suddenly realized I had forgotten how to subtract.
I was nervous and I tried to glance at a few other classmates paper to get an idea, but I also didn’t want to cheat. I remembered that my brother got a cool drawing after his first day of second grade of a bear jumping over alligators. Under the picture were the words, “Congratulations, you survived the first day of second grade.”
I was terrified I was not going to be receiving one of these pictures. Would my picture be of a poor teddy bear being torn to pieces by a group of angry second-grade alligators? Was my mother going to move all of my things into the front lawn and tell me to find another family who couldn’t survive the second grade?
That is when the genius portion of my brain kicked in. If I just add everything I had a good chance of getting most things right and there was the off chance that addition was the same as subtraction.
So I added. I added for every answer. When I got my paper back, I had all the correct answers written next to the wrong ones and I remembered. Subtraction means “take away.”
I’m not sure what we did for the rest of the day. We may have read stories or played “Heads Up, Seven Up.” Either way, I do remember that the end of the day came and as I was walking out the door, I received the prize I had coveted.
They had not taken away or “subtracted” (see, I’ve still got it) my survival certificate. My bear made it across the pond and I was ready to take on the rest of second grade.
There were many first days of school to follow that, and I believe they all went off without a hitch. I never forgot how to subtract again, and I never had to worry about my first day of school. Nothing could stress me out as much as contemplating the fate of my bear, and now that he was safely across the pond, my worries were over.
Luke Harris is the editor of the Burleson Star. Once his math career got into long division, he sort of gave up on the dreams of following in his father’s footsteps of being an accountant. He can be reached at www.burlesonstar.net.
I’m not sure if I blocked them out or if I just didn’t have many memorable things happen. I know on my first day of school, I was ready to get in the classroom.
I was the second child so my brother had already gone to school for a year. Therefore, I was ready to make my mark on the world of academia. My mother tells me I didn’t even look back when I marched into my first day of kindergarten.
I do, however, remember my first day of second grade. We had a small math assignment and I suddenly realized I had forgotten how to subtract.
I was nervous and I tried to glance at a few other classmates paper to get an idea, but I also didn’t want to cheat. I remembered that my brother got a cool drawing after his first day of second grade of a bear jumping over alligators. Under the picture were the words, “Congratulations, you survived the first day of second grade.”
I was terrified I was not going to be receiving one of these pictures. Would my picture be of a poor teddy bear being torn to pieces by a group of angry second-grade alligators? Was my mother going to move all of my things into the front lawn and tell me to find another family who couldn’t survive the second grade?
That is when the genius portion of my brain kicked in. If I just add everything I had a good chance of getting most things right and there was the off chance that addition was the same as subtraction.
So I added. I added for every answer. When I got my paper back, I had all the correct answers written next to the wrong ones and I remembered. Subtraction means “take away.”
I’m not sure what we did for the rest of the day. We may have read stories or played “Heads Up, Seven Up.” Either way, I do remember that the end of the day came and as I was walking out the door, I received the prize I had coveted.
They had not taken away or “subtracted” (see, I’ve still got it) my survival certificate. My bear made it across the pond and I was ready to take on the rest of second grade.
There were many first days of school to follow that, and I believe they all went off without a hitch. I never forgot how to subtract again, and I never had to worry about my first day of school. Nothing could stress me out as much as contemplating the fate of my bear, and now that he was safely across the pond, my worries were over.
Luke Harris is the editor of the Burleson Star. Once his math career got into long division, he sort of gave up on the dreams of following in his father’s footsteps of being an accountant. He can be reached at www.burlesonstar.net.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Expendables
A lot of films claim to be “the ultimate action movie,” but many actually fulfill that role. Lucky for action-movie fans, you can always trust Sylvester Stallone to deliver.
There are some out there who may not respect Stallone as a filmmaker, and that is fine. He is no Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese and he probably won’t be winning any Academy Awards.
But he knows action.
He has proven it in the past, and in more recent years with the last Rambo installment. He has taken his action expertise and made the “ultimate action movie.”
The Expendables is what I like to call “awfulsome.” It is an awesome action film while having the awful dialogue, bad acting and over-the-top situations needed for action films.
Some people — and I apologize in advance, but it is mostly women — who can’t understand why it is OK for a guy to enjoy a movie where someone can hang onto a plane while it is taking off, but can’t get behind a film where a guy stops traffic to profess his love for a girl.
The reason is simple — it is cooler. And this film delivers above and beyond expectations for a great action movie. One of the big draws for the film is its cast.
Jason Statham, Jet Li, Stallone and Dolph Lundgren have all made themselves known in the action movie community and newcomers Terry Crews and Randy Couture also fit the bill for over-the-top-action-hero.
The film follows Barney Ross (Stallone) as he leads the Expendables, a band of highly skilled mercenaries including knife enthusiast Lee Christmas (Statham), martial arts expert Yin Yang (Li), heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar (Crews), demolitionist Toll Road (Couture) and loose-cannon sniper Gunner Jensen (Lundgren).
When the group is commissioned to assassinate the dictator of a small South American island, they discover a deeper plot and decide to save the people of the island and kill lots and lots of people.
It is the plot of any action movie with mercenaries as the good guys. They are always heartless killers until they discover their inner feeling and blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter because no one comes for the plot, they come for the carnage.
The movie only has a plot to explain why the group is busy killing a bunch of people. It could be a movie about a puppy who is kidnapped by a ruthless animal shelter and the Expendables have to go in and kill everyone to get the dog home safely.
Guess what? I would still see it. I would pay $10 and go watch it because I know there would be a lot of cool fight scenes and at least one person getting blown in half. Does that make me sick? Nope, it makes me a guy.
This is the perfect movie for a group of guys to go enjoy so they can later re-hash all of the amazing action scenes and imagine what it would be like to be an awesome mercenary. If you are an action-movie fan, this is a must-see (there is always Eat, Pray, Love for your significant other if they don’t want to go.)
Luke Harris is the movie reviewer for the Star Group newspapers. He hopes they make another Expendables movie where the cast is pitted against the cast of the Twilight movies (Hint: he isn’t rooting for the Twilight folks). He can be reached at www.burlesonstar.net.
There are some out there who may not respect Stallone as a filmmaker, and that is fine. He is no Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese and he probably won’t be winning any Academy Awards.
But he knows action.
He has proven it in the past, and in more recent years with the last Rambo installment. He has taken his action expertise and made the “ultimate action movie.”
The Expendables is what I like to call “awfulsome.” It is an awesome action film while having the awful dialogue, bad acting and over-the-top situations needed for action films.
Some people — and I apologize in advance, but it is mostly women — who can’t understand why it is OK for a guy to enjoy a movie where someone can hang onto a plane while it is taking off, but can’t get behind a film where a guy stops traffic to profess his love for a girl.
The reason is simple — it is cooler. And this film delivers above and beyond expectations for a great action movie. One of the big draws for the film is its cast.
Jason Statham, Jet Li, Stallone and Dolph Lundgren have all made themselves known in the action movie community and newcomers Terry Crews and Randy Couture also fit the bill for over-the-top-action-hero.
The film follows Barney Ross (Stallone) as he leads the Expendables, a band of highly skilled mercenaries including knife enthusiast Lee Christmas (Statham), martial arts expert Yin Yang (Li), heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar (Crews), demolitionist Toll Road (Couture) and loose-cannon sniper Gunner Jensen (Lundgren).
When the group is commissioned to assassinate the dictator of a small South American island, they discover a deeper plot and decide to save the people of the island and kill lots and lots of people.
It is the plot of any action movie with mercenaries as the good guys. They are always heartless killers until they discover their inner feeling and blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter because no one comes for the plot, they come for the carnage.
The movie only has a plot to explain why the group is busy killing a bunch of people. It could be a movie about a puppy who is kidnapped by a ruthless animal shelter and the Expendables have to go in and kill everyone to get the dog home safely.
Guess what? I would still see it. I would pay $10 and go watch it because I know there would be a lot of cool fight scenes and at least one person getting blown in half. Does that make me sick? Nope, it makes me a guy.
This is the perfect movie for a group of guys to go enjoy so they can later re-hash all of the amazing action scenes and imagine what it would be like to be an awesome mercenary. If you are an action-movie fan, this is a must-see (there is always Eat, Pray, Love for your significant other if they don’t want to go.)
Luke Harris is the movie reviewer for the Star Group newspapers. He hopes they make another Expendables movie where the cast is pitted against the cast of the Twilight movies (Hint: he isn’t rooting for the Twilight folks). He can be reached at www.burlesonstar.net.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)